I got some buggybuddys.com.au readers ask me some questions on motherhood. Silly sausages.
Shelley – Which makes the best babysitter – iPad games or ABC2?
ABC2. Hands down. I can’t lie. I am VERY guilty of using the telly as a babysitter – to the point where my partner refers to the telly affectionately as the ‘rectangular nanny’. It is absolutely a necessary evil. Especially when Phil was working FIFO and I was at home looking after our two kids – there was no way I could have done what I needed to get done without the telly occupying the kids.
But my GOD!! Children’s television – it’s sooo painful. I had to invent ways of getting through even being in the same room as some of the shows – Peppa Pig I can only endure by imagining all the pigs without ears, because then they look exactly like talking willies (admit it, I’m right). Giggle and Hoot…if I have to hear about them ‘twinklifying’ the night, the five steps to bed or Giggleasaurous one more time…seriously, how good would it be to tell those bloody owls to just flap off? I was excited to see there was a show on called ‘The Mole Sisters’ on ABC2 but I watched it once and they were nothing like the ones I went to school with. And as for The (old) Wiggles, I have to admit that I would watch them the same way I used to watch the backpackers in the Elephant and Wheelbarrow – I’d watch them and think ‘Which one do I fancy?’ and the answer was always the same – all of them. And In The Night Garden? What in holy hell is that show even on about? Tombliboos? Iggle Piggle? Macca Pacca acca wacca icka acka oo? I feel like it’s some secret language that I’ll never learn, and by the way – what actually ARE the tittifas? Sounds like something you can get in the red light district in Thailand (or so I’ve heard).
But my kids LOVE it. So, yes, I am guilty of sometimes using television as a babysitter. And I know there are plenty of mums out there saying ‘Oh, but I can’t even GET my child to watch T.V.!’ Well, to those mums that say that, I want you to know this. You’re just not trying hard enough.
Michael – Is having children more rewarding than the freedom to have afternoon naps whenever I want? Opinions differ.
Before I had kids I once slept for 14 hours straight. And I wasn’t even tired when I went to bed. The only reason I woke up was because my back hurt. Another time I caught a flight from Melbourne to Honolulu, fell asleep against the plane window before we’d taken off and woke up an hour before we landed. If sleeping was an Olympic sport, I would have been an international champion. And then I had kids.
Once your first kid is born you are bestowed with that most significant of all parental super powers – mother hearing. The tiniest peep or rustle from the bassinet during the night jolts you awake, demanding your immediate attention. All through the night once you bring the baby home and put her in her bassinet, your new mummy ears keep you alert and poised – listening through the endless cacophony of grunts and groans, sneezes and snores, whimpers and (quite remarkable) wind. Honestly, some nights my partner was so loud some nights I could barely hear the baby.
And then they get older, and you learn that children will never, ever sleep in, that they call out in the middle of the night, that they wet their beds and throw up on the sheets – sometimes on the same night, often many nights in a row, and they have zero sympathy for daylight savings, jet lag or hangovers.
So, Michael, if you aren’t a parent yet and regular, uninterrupted, restful sleep is high on your list of priorities, perhaps the perfect child for you is a sponsor child in another country. Yes. Children are completely and utterly rewarding. But pristine, unstained 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets are quite nice too. From memory.
Madeleine – Will my saggy bazoongas ever regain their voluptuousity/perkiness after 12 months of breastfeeding?
I used to have a great rack. I did. And now that I’ve had two kids suck them dry they look a pair of forgotten, semi-deflated balloons from last week’s party. And don’t tell anyone but I’ve also developed a rogue black hair on the left nip that certainly wasn’t there before I had kids. HAWT!
Oh, Madeleine. The bad news in answer to your question is no. Not without a surgeon. But the good news is that with the aid of uplift bras, push-up bras, rubber chicken fillets, cleavage bronzer and ideally good lighting, the only people that need to know your boobs aren’t still perky and voluptuous are you and whomever you choose to allow to see them unholstered.
Sometimes it’s not what’s inside (your bra) that counts.
janellekoenig 